Solicitude Repentance !!!

Its been a long day, surprising for me, even with a sitcom left to finish off. I had to get through the fruit of boredom. Anyways feeling lonely doesnt mean you are all alone in your room, not to mention i find some peace appreciated once in a while. But finding yourself totally alone in a group of people signifies your lonliness.

Its not that i dont miss my babies as in, not to mention i miss them even when they are with me, funny to say. But nontheless now that i find myself left alone with the hauntingly cherished memories for a few days. This epiphany of astray absence seems overwhelming to consume. I find myself lying down staring the ceiling fan for hours in the end. Some how the revolving blades seems astoundingly engrossing. Chocolate wrappers and dilapidated flowers collected over a period of 3 years with morale sentiments soothes this twisted heart beyond delineation.

Gargantuan physical egony seems immensely sweetened then this fuckingly demented heart ripping emotion. Ironically speaking if emotion be given a human form, could surpass the very existance of god. Missing someone feels so meticulously courteous at times, strengthens the love you have for the person. But then there are this different times, it debauche the heart in one swift moment. Making it breath takingly impossible to live.

This raconteur describes the past few days of my puny life. Amazing how human heart works, when in pain this son of a bitch seems to amplify even a diminutive incident, making it even worse to exist. I tried a lot to control myself yesterday, knowing it hurts my babies a lot to watch this side of my face. Knowing for the fact it disorganize them to watch me acting this way. I tried a lot to call back, call back and tell them how much i love them. Dialing and disconnecting the phone a million times seemed too overpowering. I tried, i tried a lot to talk with them habitually, just so that they wouldnt go to bed upset. In the end i gave away, completely broken down, drained out completely out of my life force.

I feel awfully abysmal, terribly abhorrent of myself to have left my babies alone. Ghastly remorseful, i owe an apology big time. Am so sorry honey, am so sorry. I love you, I love you more then anyone can ever love you !!!